The first of many MRI’s.

Plans worked out that I was able to take Haley to her MRI alone. If the baby became hungry before we returned Jeremy would give him a bottle. If that didn’t go well they would meet me at the hospital to feed him. At this point we were happy the hospital was only 10 minutes away.

We checked in, went to a small room where the nurses did their regular check up and took some history. Then they had Haley sit facing me on my lap and holding her arm a particular way so they could put an IV in her tiny hand. She was very brave and didn’t cry or make a peep. They wrapped her hand so she wouldn’t take it out with yellow tape with bees on it. Then came the waiting game. We were in that tiny room for quite a while. They would bring her toys but she didn’t want any of them. She didn’t want the tape on her hand and tried taking it off. She just wanted to go home. It wasn’t fun anymore.

She did have an episode in that room which was a blessing because the Nurse Practitioner saw it and then changed the plan for the MRI. Instead of laying her on her back we laid her on her side just in case that happened again while she was in the machine. I was most worried about her doing it in the machine and choking so this helped me feel better about her safety.

Finally it was her turn. We went into another room where I held her on my lap again. They started the sedation medication through her IV. She was a little restless but not too bad. The guy running the machine (isn’t that technical!) said she will start to get tired and immediately she sunk into my arms. I said wow that was quick. He responded with, she can still get a little irritable. Yet again, good timing on his part because she just lost it. She started screaming as loud as she could, she was kicking, trying to get out of my arms. Of course I couldn’t let her down. This went on for what seemed like a long time. The nurse said just 2 more minutes. I was fine throughout this I just felt bad for her. They had to give her something else and then she was out almost immediately. Since she had been crying and screaming so hard she was doing the sniffle gasp thing that happens after a hard cry. I felt really bad for her then because she was asleep and still doing that. Finally she calmed down and stopped. I laid her on the bed on her side and just looked at her thinking this is a big thing we are doing and you are so little. I went into the recovery room and just waited.

I watched the clock knowing about how long the test should take. About halfway through Jeremy called me. While talking with him the tech guy and the nurse practitioner walked down the hall away from the MRI machine and looked in on me. I said it looks like they are done they just walked down the hall. We might be home in time for the baby to eat. Then another 20 minutes past and I knew something was not right. Now it was taking too long.

The tech guy who was running the machine came in said your Doctor wants to talk to you, let me get him on the phone. Come over here, sit down in this chair. He handed me the phone and left the room. Then I heard him send a nurse in to stay with me. With each sentence he spoke a new red flag was going off in my brain. Now I really knew something was wrong. The Doctor told me she has a brain tumor, substantial in size and benign. After she woke up and we were released we needed to go right to the PCMC in SLC (we were at the outpatient clinic) where the Neurosurgeon was waiting for us. She could not eat but she could drink a little. They will do surgery today or tomorrow sometime. He was sorry he had to tell me this over the phone, but I need the information right away. Throughout that one sided conversation I was in complete shock. With every sentence he was saying I was thinking wow, wow, wow. It seemed like one big blow after another.

I got off the phone and the nurse said are you ok? Do you have any questions? I said I didn’t know right now. She said all you need is a hug. They left me alone for a few minutes and I just sat there, wow really, wow my little Haley! They came and checked in on me a few times telling me I could have anything I wanted. They talked about a bed at the hospital for me to stay over night. I called Jeremy in the middle of this and shocked him as well. He got out of work and figured out the logistics for the other kids for the rest of the day. I knew my Dad was in meetings so I texted him, she has a brain tumor. My mom was in a clinic working so I didn’t want to call her. I figured Dad would talk to Mom and then I wouldn’t have to say those really hard words out loud again.

I was sitting there thinking am I going to look at Haley differently and loose it when they bring her in to me. For the most part I held it together.